Lost Love
by AngelVamp429
Summary: No....he can’t be gone. He can’t leave me alone like this! How could he? This wasn’t supposed to happen! He did everything the Powers asked him to do and more! He fulfilled the Shanshu!


As the fight raged around us, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my love fall. Our connection was telling me that it wasn't good. I could feel the pain he was in, the shock of it, and the worry he felt for me once he would be gone. "Angel no!" I rushed as fast as I could to his side and held him, while I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Angel, oh Angel. It'll be okay baby, you'll be okay." I couldn't stop crying. He looked up at me with those beautiful chocolate orbs of his and I knew he could see straight to my soul. He always had been able to. He told me once that my eyes were my vulnerability, that all of my emotions were displayed there, no matter how much I tried to mask them. I cursed my inability to cover what I really felt, because in my eyes I knew he saw my hopelessness and defeat.

"Don't cry Buffy. I can't stand it when you cry. It breaks my heart," he whispered. I could tell even that had cost him greatly. "Don't talk. Save your strength so you can get better." I tried my hardest to stop crying, though it didn't really work.

"You know my time is coming, love. I knew that coming into this battle that I probably wouldn't walk out of it alive. When you get home, go into my top dresser drawer. There you will find a box that says chroí's seoda. It means "heart's treasures". That is where I put everything dear to me. I want you to look through it. There should be a letter there as well. Please read it and do everything it says." I nodded numbly, only half listening. Then he started to whisper to me in his native tongue. His voice took on a rich, deep tone that I loved. It only sounded like that when he was speaking Irish. As he began, I turned my full attention to him, soaking up everything he said. "Tá tú mo ghrá, chroí mo chroí, anam mo anam. Is tú mo soulmate, mo mhargadh i ngach aon slí. Ní dhéanfaidh mé dearmad ort fiú bás. Tá grá agam duit go deo. Slán leat, a ghrá."

As he said that, fresh tears poured down my face. Those were words he had said to me many times over the years, never letting me forget his love. As the last word left him, so did his last breath. I shook him, screaming his name, begging him to come back to me. But he didn't. He never woke back up. The last thing I remember was shaking him, sobbing into his chest. Everything went black after that.

* * *

When I woke up, I was in our bed. I reached over to his side of the bed, only to find it empty and cold. Everything that happened came rushing back to me, assaulting my head. It was so overwhelming and painful. I tore at my hair, wishing the memories would go away. Then, suddenly, it was gone, replaced by an empty shell.

_No...he can't be gone. He can't leave me alone like this! How could he? This wasn't supposed to happen! He did everything the Powers asked him to do and more! He fulfilled the Shanshu! His humanity had been given back; a reward for all the good things he had done. He still had his strength and hypersensitivity as he had as a vampire in order to continue his good deeds. We had finally gotten back together. We were married, still fighting evil, but we also had normal lives, friends, and it was filled with love. We had plans for the future. Children, grandchildren, growing old together; it would never happen. Then he was gone, ripped away from this world, doing the damn Powers' work. Damn them to hell! Damn them forever and ever! This was their fault. They could've saved him, but they didn't. They had to make me suffer even more then they had before. _

Unknowingly, I had grabbed pillows and started tearing them apart. Soon, I was surrounded by feathers. _"Go into my top dresser drawer..." _The words came back to me. I slowly rose from the bed, not totally trusting my legs to hold me up. I found the box and came back to our bed. As I opened it, fresh tears started spilling over. God, how much can one person cry?

The first thing I picked up was a lock of my honey blonde hair. Smiling sadly, I laid it aside. The box was filled with pictures of us, many during my high school days. There was also one from a day that I couldn't recall. I figured it wasn't a real picture, because it had Angel standing in the sunlight on a pier. The next thing I picked up had me choking on sobs and trying to get air into my lungs. It was the claddagh ring he had given me. I thought I had lost this months ago! On the inside was engraved "Mo ghrá, mo maité Soul". He must have taken this and had it engraved for me. I was sobbing so hard now that I almost dropped the ring.

After I finally finished composing myself, I finished going through the box. There were love letters we had written, pictures of his LA friends, and drawings of me asleep. He had been an exquisite artist, truly gifted. I finally came to the bottom, where the letter was waiting for me. On it was my name in his elegant hand. Taking a deep breath, I opened it.

_**Mo ghrá,**_

_**If you are reading this, I am gone from this world. I just wanted to tell you one last time how much I loved you and to tell you some things. Don't cry over me. I can't bear it knowing I cause you so much pain. Take time, grieve for me, and then move on. Don't dwell on what was or what could have been. Live your life. Help others. Live in the light. I'll always be here waiting for you on the other side. Remember, I will always be watching over you. Is tú mo ghrá go deo,**_

_**Angel**_

As I finished the letter, my heart was breaking, but it also felt like it was already healing. I could still feel his presence around me, holding me in his warmth. I held my head high. I was going to live up to his expectations. I would live my life. But there was one thing I would never do.

I would not love another as I had loved Angel.

* * *

I don't know how long I grieved my loss for. It must have been a while because when I finally woke up from my "coma", Dawn was in the middle of her sophmore year of college.

I went through life as normally as I could. I mean, how do you get over the loss of your true love and soul mate? I even tried to get into a couple of relationships, but they all failed. Apparently I had some commitment issues. I eventually learned that all of my relationships would be doomed to fail. How couldn't they? None of them were Angel. I continued my slaying duties, becoming the longest-living slayer in history. I had help from unusual places, like Spike and Cordelia. I sabotaged at least 15 more apocalypses, making a lot of enemies.

My life was a shadow of what it once was. There was no more "I'm the slayer so I'm invincible" attitude, no partying until dawn with my friends. Just a modest me. I finished college, getting a degree in teaching. I taught world history, of all things. It made me feel close to Angel somehow, knowing that he had been at some big event or he had known some big guy back then.

When the end came for me, I welcomed it with open arms.

* * *

"Friends, we are gathered here today to grieve, but also celebrate. We grieve the loss of our friend, our family, our protector, our sister. She was hope and light in the eyes of many young children. She helped wherever and whenever she could, giving herself generously. But we also celebrate because we know that she has been delivered into the arms of our Lord and is finally at peace. We pray that she is reunited with God and her husband. She had no children but her memory will live on with us, until we are reunited with her in Heaven. We will miss you, but wait for the day we can see you again. Rest in peace Buffy Anne Summers."

There were no tears shed that day by anyone. Yes they were sad for their loss, but they knew she was in a better place. They knew she would watch over them and protect them. Her grave stone was a simple one. It said, "BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS. 1986-2036. FRIEND, FAMILY, SISTER. SHE SAVED THE WORLD. A LOT."

That day the sun shone and as the wind whispered through the leaves, her friends swore it was Buffy laughing, telling them she was in a better and happier place.

* * *

_A familiar warmth surrounded her. "I told you I'd be waiting for you."_

"_I never doubted you. Do you think they'll be ok?"_

"_I'm sure they will be. Now, I have a question for you."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Will you stay with me here?"_

"_Of course! Forever, that's the whole point."_

**

* * *

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**A/N: That's it! I hope you enjoyed it! I know I haven't updated for a long time, but I hope this makes up for it. The idea for the story just kind of popped into my head. I'll try and update Forbidden Love by the end of the week. This was my first one shot, so I hope it's good. Please R&R! **

**Here are the English translations for the Irish words in here:**

chroí's seoda – **heart's treasures**

Tá tú mo ghrá, chroí mo chroí, anam mo anam. Is tú mo soulmate, mo mhargadh i ngach aon slí. Ní dhéanfaidh mé dearmad ort fiú bás. Tá grá agam duit go deo. Slán leat, a ghrá - **You are my love, my heart, soul of my soul. You are my soulmate, my match in every way. I will not forget you even in death. I love you forever. Goodbye, my love**

Mo ghrá, mo maité Soul - **My love, my soul mate**

Mo ghrá - **My love**

**I hope that helps! Please, if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes or you have a question, please ask!**


End file.
